The werewolf’s survival guide; Ask no questions, I’ll tell no lies.

Again, been a while. Honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t anticipate this problem, where there may not be anything interesting to say for a while. Still, there’ll always be stuff for me to ramble on about.

Anyways, on to that long-put off survival guide!

Ask no questions, I’ll tell no lies.

Lies; Best friend of secrets, and thus, a good friend to any werewolf who isn’t big on giving away earth shattering secrets on a regular basis.

Thing is, keeping a secret isn’t as simple as just shutting the hell up about something. People ain’t as stupid as they often seem, especially when it seems like someone’s hiding something. So, here’s some tips for hiding away, well, aside from the obvious part of hiding away when you’re turned.

1: People do want to know.

This isn’t so much a tip as a warning. See, it’s easy to believe that people keep themselves to themselves, especially if you want to believe that. If only. People like secrets. Secrets are usually more interesting than the things people let out in the open. People are looking for things that seem suspicious, excuses that don’t add up, habits that seem unusual, that sort of thing. So don’t get complacent-Just because most people aren’t looking for werewolves, doesn’t mean they’ve not looking for secrets.

2: A lie isn’t just one single sentence.

Some people think you can just say one thing, and then everything is dismissed. Like I said, people are looking for things that stand out. If you tell a lie, then contradict it later, people will become suspicious, and suspicion leads to investigation, and investigation leads to the truth, something you don’t want them to know. Say your lies like you believe them yourself. You can’t block all the signs of lies, but you can damn well try, and most importantly, try to remember what you’ve said before, lest you manage to trip yourself up later.

3: Hide your habits.

If you’ve been a werewolf for a while, you’ve probably started to act less than human at times. Only little things, but things that tell you from the crowd. Growling, yelping, sniffing the air, little things that can get people thinking. I know it sucks, especially once you’re used to it, but you’ve got to do your best to resist displaying such traits in public. Most people won’t jump to the conclusion that you’re a werewolf, but you don’t want people to start thinking.

Also, build a reputation as someone who doesn’t sleep well. People will be less likely to question it when inevitably, you just can’t sleep because you’re thinking too damn much.

4: When in doubt, lock ’em out.

Occasionally, you may not have a good excuse. People might catch you out. When that time comes when nothing else will work, if they’re people you don’t know well, ignore and brush off any comments, and keep a damn good eye on them. Luckily, your close friends are far more likely to be the people who catch you out. They know you best, and read you best. When they catch you out, it’s a little easier. Just be stern, and tell them that it’s nothing, and you don’t want to talk about it. Do not budge. Do not buckle. Do not give them even a little bit of hope that you can be convinced to open up. Close friends are far less likely to be persistant if you’re just stern enough about it.


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Confessions to be.

Looking back on what happened earlier on this year, y’know, barely being able to hold human form for a few hours at the worst, a single, important thought comes to the front of my mind; having to own up to being a werewolf may not be an “if”. It could well be a matter of “when”.

I’ve no plans currently to come clean. I think about it more than is probably healthy, but I would think most people in my position would. Partly because I know better, and partly because, well…I’m a coward sometimes. I downright know that in most occasions it is as simple as “better safe than sorry” when it comes to the possibility of telling someone what I am. It could go well, but the consequences if it doesn’t could be so bad that even the smallest possibility isn’t worth it.

However…with my transformations more frequent now, and occasionally still unpredictable, there may come a time when I am forced to roll the dice, take chances that I would’ve preferred not to, and with that comes the chance that I will lose that gamble, and will be left with the poor choice to feign ignorance when someone’s already seen far too much to simply drop it like that, or attempt to explain.

I’m not especially easy to frighten these days with things related to my secret, but one thing that terrifies me is the thought of having to sit down and tell someone I know to their face that I’m a werewolf. It’s funny, I spend an awful lot of my time dreaming of a day when I won’t have to hide, but the thought of actually letting the cat (or wolf) out the bag scares the living hell out of me.

I’m not quite sure I could take the look on my parents faces, even if it became somehow a recognised fact that werewolves exist, when I tell them that I’m one of them. That their son doesn’t share the same species as them anymore. Much less the look on their faces, or their gasps, when they see what I really look like.

My friends, my colleagues, hell, what if by then I’ve somehow managed to attract a girl? What on earth would I tell her? “Y’know you said you really liked dogs? Well…”

I want to say that it isn’t something I need to think about right now, or even at all. But I do need to think of it. Let’s face it, if it does happen, if I mess up and someone finds out, it’d be far better if I had an idea about what to say rather than trying to make it up on the dot. Not a script, but at least an idea of where to begin, how to stop them panicking, how to convince them not to tell anyone else or call the news.

I need to put some thought into this, before it’s too late.

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A word about the typical werewolf on the internet.

So, I was listening to some cheesy power metal about, what else, werewolves, via YouTube, and in the comments, there were a bunch of people claiming to be werewolves.

It got me thinking about how this typically goes. Now, I don’t want to offend anyone, especially people in my audience, but…sometimes, these guys can be a little difficult to take seriously. As if claiming that you’re a werewolf didn’t make it hard for people not to think you’re crazy already, which if unfortunate. God knows how much less complicated things would be if that wasn’t the case.

Anyway, you typically get some eccentric types around there. Usually, understandably, trying to convince people that werewolves aren’t the vicious monster they’re portrayed as. I mean, I understand that, what else did I do in the earlier parts of this blog except try to hammer home the point that I don’t eat people, but they do it in such strange ways sometimes, talking about the spirit of the earth and inner selves.

Now, personally, I don’t get into that. I deal with what I am, how I can, and I don’t really concern myself too much with the whys and hows, figuring it’d only confuse me more. Sure, I’ve thought about it, and I’m open to the idea of spirits, curses, and magic being behind it all, I think at the point that I found myself sprouting a fur coat and a tail, the desperation to find a purely scientific explanation went out the window, I’m in no position to say such things are absurd.

That said…it sounds absurd. Especially if you’re talking to someone who doesn’t think werewolves exist. You’re already slamming them with big enough a leap of faith without expecting them to swallow some grand, fantastical story of magic.

Still, everyone copes differently, I guess. If it makes people feel better to believe that and act like that, who am I to stop them? Especially when all things considered, they could well be right?

I guess I just wish there were more people who weren’t so grandiose about the whole thing, y’know?


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Bad nights

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I was going to a little while back…then my internet cut out, and when I got back on, I just couldn’t be arsed anymore, lost the momentum.

So, recently, I’ve had a few bad nights. Not really sure why, not much has changed. Maybe I’m just a little lonely. That does happen sometimes. I don’t have any actual statistics on the number of werewolves living in britain, but I’m pretty sure my chances of meeting someone else like me are pretty low. Hell, relationship wise, I’d be pretty hopeless even if I wasn’t a wolfman. I’m quite awkward with that sort of thing.

Yeah, I get lonely sometimes. Sometimes not even related to my “condition”, just to my social awkwardness and complete lack of relationship success. Though, let’s face it, that’d become a problem if I ever do get into a relationship. You hang around a person enough, and you really get to know them. You start to pick things up that other people wouldn’t pick up, and eventually, she’d start asking questions, questions that would be difficult to answer with anything other than “Well, light of my life, that would be because I’m a goddamn werewolf”. I can’t see that going down all that well.

Sometimes, it’s just the wierdness of it all. Looking at my wolfish hands, opening and closing my mouth, stretched out into a snout, even when I go to bed, being able to feel my fur rubbing against the sheets. It’s so bizarre, sometimes some part of my mind just reels at the supposed impossibility of it. Even after all this time, it’s still strange.

For whatever reason, I’ve had a few rough nights recently. I cope like I usually do. Watching some movies, that sort of stuff. Speaking of which, I believe I have a date with a futurama boxset…

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Hi theerw

What’s up? I haven’t posted much in that last however many days sunce I posted. Because. Not much happenedd, y’know? Not muc goes on. Anything becoms routine when taken long enough.

Anyways, I’,m making thos post because I like makign drunk posts. I am drunk. A few friends got me so.

Anyways, I have some snacks and I have some yotube videos. I think I’ll go wolfy now, and watch things. I’tss pleasent, y’know? Like just relacing being what I am and watching funny thigs, all good.

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Weird dreams.

I should’ve come up with a wittier title…

Weird dreams aren’t exactly unusual, after all, you keep some major secrets, your conciense is gonna be running wild. I don’t know why it struck me so much more than the other dreams I’ve had like it, but it did.

I was just walking around, doing everyday stuff in a town I don’t recognise very well, but seems to resemble where I used to live, nearer london. Y’know that feeling in a dream where somewhere is like somewhere you’ve been, but not quite? Every now and again, suddenly and quicker than ever before, I’d turn into my wolf form. People weren’t scared or even that surprised, somewhere in the subconcious mind of subconcious me, the penny dropped that this was a world in which everyone was perfectly aware of the existence of werewolves, but they seemed to hate me for it. I tried to reason with them, apologise for shifting so suddenly, but they shouted me out and threw rubbish at me.

I would go somewhere quiet, and shift myself back into a human with little trouble, but soon, it’d happen again.

The dream ended with my mum calling me up about something bad, can’t quite remember what, as I realise that I can’t turn back into a human again.

I woke up in the early hours of the morning, still in wolf form. Not that unusual, after all, it was early. The dream shook me though. I couldn’t get back to sleep for a little while, I put on a DVD, ate some of the food from my in-room stash (as I’ve said before, essential for the werewolf that lives with other, unaware people) to try and calm my nerves. Seemed to work after a while.

Still, it’s lingered with me for the whole day. I guess, on some level, I spend so much of my time wishing that it wasn’t such a big secret that the thought that it might finally be known that werewolves exist and I’d still have to keep it a secret doesn’t sit well with me.

Part of me today wanted desperately to release that tension. Y’know when you’re about to do something, like opening the results of a test from school, and you don’t know whether it’s going to be good or bad, you just want to get it over with so that you know? Kinda like that. I almost just slipped it into a facebook status. Perhaps pretend it was a joke, test the water. Even last night, I toyed with the idea of just walking downstairs in wolf form like nothing was out of the ordinary. Perhaps thats what bought that dream on.

Still, I know I can’t do that sort of stuff unless I’m more sure of the outcome. I’d have to know someone like I know myself, and I’d have to know they wouldn’t freak out to badly or hate me for it. I might know a few people…but I can’t be sure.

I got a kinda bad feeling about tonight. Maybe it’s just that dream, but I have a feeling tonight’s gonna be rough. I suppose I prepared enough. I got my food stash, I got DVDs, and perhaps most importantly, a door that locks.

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Things I haven’t quite sorted out.

Why? Partly so that I have a list, and partly for kicks.

How to make myself not feel so goddamn small.

What to do when I have to go the bathroom but I’m transformed.

What exactly to say if someone finds out. Well, I do have one thing. “Bro…do you even shift?” HAHAHA oh god, I just pissed all over comedy itself.

Where to find relatable werewolf fiction.

How to completely get your tail under control.

And the perfect excuse when someone hears you make canine noises.

I think that’s about it.

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